Happy Anniversary to me!

Today is my 2-month anniversary with the country of Vietnam. This feels like a really significant milestone!

I truly do feel like I am in a relationship with this country. Our first two weeks together were a magical and exciting whirlwind filled with passion and lust and superficial observations and new experiences. Then it got serious, and we moved in together. Things became a lot less fun when we learned each others' annoying habits (the spider + cockroach in my apartment on day 1 really tested me) and had to deal with each other on a 24-7 basis (no longer was I able to retreat to my sanctuary of the Rising Dragon Hotel. I was living here and facing everything head-on with no opportunity to escape or retreat). I made the inevitable phone call to my mom, crying, saying that it was time to come home. I wondered if the relationship was worth it, if maybe I was making a mistake to be with someone with such seemingly insurmountable flaws, if maybe it would be better to break it off before things got more serious.

But here I am, two months in, and I feel myself falling in love. This is the kind of relationship where I can see myself building a future with the other person, and enjoying that future together. So far, this relationship feels healthy and rewarding, and I feel like we are testing and challenging each other every day, but then also granting one another the permission to struggle and falter under those challenges. Our relationship isn't perfect; in fact, I can find a million things about this other person that are less than ideal, and in fact, are quite annoying. But I am beginning to see that these flaws are interwoven with all of the amazing qualities that make this whole experience worth the adventure and the occasional frustration. I am learning to accept the power outages, the unreliable Internet, the unvaried food, the difficult language, and the strange customs because they are so interconnected with the aspects of Vietnam that I have come to love: the slow-paced, traditional, welcoming, collectivist society.

With regards to cultural adjustment, people have told me that any little detail that frustrates me about a new culture needs to be taken in perspective, because that annoying detail probably makes perfect sense within the context of that culture. It is easier to accept the traffic congestion, confusion, and potential collisions when I remind myself that within the context of Vietnam, this style of driving makes sense. I do not have enough information or data to explain that contextual logic (YET!), but I have fallen deeply enough in love to convince myself to accept these flaws because they make up the unique identity of my partner, whose overall picture I love. Okay, I'll admit, sometimes I get exasperated and blow some of these frustrations off with a condescending eye-roll, but hey, what relationship isn't complete without snarky arguments and nit-picking?

I feel excited for my future with this relationship, because I know that things are about to get much deeper, and much more serious. Now it's time to meet each others' families, to delve into one another's pasts and private lives, and to truly forge a connection that will be sustainable. We have exhausted the new-and-exciting phase, and lust alone will not maintain our relationship anymore. True feelings are going to be revealed, and commitments need to be made.

In time, I will learn what makes my partner tick, and I will learn the context for all of those cute, endearing, and annoying quirks that make my partner so unique. The relationship won't be all fun and happy, and there will be times when I get very upset by something that my partner unknowingly did. Perhaps things will veer off course, and couples-therapy will be in order, or even a short-term trial separation that involves me jetting off to Singapore for some R&R and English-only. Or perhaps we will learn to work out our issues and arguments on our own, and people will be jealous of our strength and our bond and ask themselves how we do it. Perhaps we will be that couple.


In any case, I know that this relationship is going to be one that lasts, at least for the immediate future. Like any functional couple, I am sure that Vietnam and I will change each other for the better. I do not want to sound so self-important so as to assume that I will single-handedly improve Vietnam, or even so as to assume that I would know how to begin making said improvements to Vietnam! However, I know that Vietnam is changing and improving me on a daily basis, and I am molding myself to comfortably fit the customs of this culture. I think that I am becoming more patient and more accepting that rarely do things go according to plan. I think I am becoming more open-minded, more brave (hello! I deal with creatures on a regular basis, and don't have a boyfriend or a parent to rescue me from them! I am on my own with regards to visiting creatures!), and more willing to laugh at frustrating situations.

Thank you, Vietnam, for continuing to change me. Happy 2-month anniversary, and here's to at least 8 more months of interesting adventures with one another!