So here are some thoughts

Perhaps I've read too much Toni Morrison, Judith Butler, Edward Said, and bell hooks for my own good. Perhaps I am too conscious and concerned with "other-izing," "exploitation," "power inequalities," "orientalism," "colonialism," "exoticism," and all of the other academic "-isms" whose awareness and recognition are supposed to make us more politically correct human beings and hopefully a little bit kinder and more thoughtful regarding how we act towards one another. As a result, it is all the more difficult to enjoy myself on what is supposed to be a care-free vacation. Blessing? Curse? I really don't know.

On one hand, I consider myself lucky and the tiniest bit enlightened (emphasis on the tiniest bit) that I am able to look at the economic industry of tourism with more of a critical - and cynical - eye. On the other hand, it makes it quite difficult to go with the flow and enjoy myself when I am experiencing new places.

After three days on a lovely and luxurious river cruise boat that meandered us through the Mekong River, I am more excited than ever to get back to Ha Tinh - "home," at least for the next seven months. I don't like being a tourist and seeing everything in rapid succession through my camera lens. I don't like observing other cultures and hoping to gain insight simply by watching as an outsider.

I realize that I am so incredibly lucky to have had an experience that allowed me to become part of a Senegalese family for several months, sharing their triumphs (the birth of a baby), their struggles (sickness, financial hardship), and figuring out my role within their social structure. I helped wash dishes, prepare food, run errands, and look after the children. I attended weddings, celebrations, and family get-togethers. I was part of the family and, as a result, more a part of the culture than I could have been if I had been living in a dormitory with a group of equally isolated Americans.

I think as a result of this experience, I turn up my nose more often than not when it comes to "travel." What is its purpose, who benefits, and most importantly, who suffers? Is the purpose of travel simply to gawk at those in "traditional" garb, take pictures of people doing manual labor and stoically going about their everyday activities, and exclaim that it is so fascinating to gain a window into the daily lives of other cultures? You would think so, from how so many travelers act in "new" and "different" cultures. [Don't get me started on what qualifies a culture as being "different." We all eat food. We all have children. We all wear clothes that are suitable for the environment, climate, and habitat in which we live. We all engage in some form of work in order to make a livelihood. We all fall in love or seek companionship. How exotic are these seemingly exotic cultures when you start listing all of the similarities that we share? But anyway, I digress.]

While simply gawking or taking pictures isn't physically or directly hurting anyone, is it a good idea from a psychological and philosophical vantage-point? Is it healthy, fair, or even sustainable for us to show up on big boats, wielding expensive cameras, point at people going about their daily lives ("look at the woman in the conical hat! so novel!" or "wow! an African woman carrying a basket on her head! How interesting!"), and then buy an extremely marked-up bottle of soda or cheaply-made souvenir simply because it's a good idea to "support the locals?" Is that the best way to support said locals?

I always wonder about economies that are based on tourism because they seem so unstable. Their economy is dependent on the well-being of so many other economies, that it seems precarious and uncertain. This hits home in my own life simply with my experience working at Pie in the Sky on Cape Cod. The majority of the Cape Cod economy is based on tourism, so then if rich tourists suddenly lose all their money to Madoff, in the stock market, or just due to the overall recession, Cape Cod's economy reflects that as well. Rich tourists on their way to Martha's Vineyard can no longer afford that $6 breakfast sandwich or $4 latte, and then our business suffers. Similarly, when other "developing" countries base their economies off tourism, what happens when Vietnam is no longer the "hot-spot" for traveling? What happens when people don't care about Vietnam or Senegal or anywhere else as being the "it" destination anymore, and move on to Papua New Guinea or Croatia or whatever the next big thing is? Then where does Vietnam's economy stand? Furthermore, I hate the idea of other countries being dependent on richer countries to stimulate their own economy. Isn't that just yet another form, albeit disguised and perhaps a bit more benevolent, of imperialism?

I've been told that my presence here as an English teacher in Vietnam is so useful for the development of tourism, and that Vietnam has all these grand plans to develop and advance itself and blah blah blah, but is all of this a good thing? My experiences over the past few days would tell me otherwise. We cruised around the Mekong River, disembarked from the boat to walk through rural villages and watch local workers making candy or bricks at various family-run factories, and then were swarmed by others who wanted to sell us souvenirs.

"Please, Madame, buy some postcards? Very cheap! Buy a cold drink? Come to my shop!" If you ignore their requests or tell them no, then they send their children after you. The children are dressed in dirty clothes and have sad eyes, and it is so difficult to resist buying whatever they are offering to sell. However, are we only buying out of pity? If so, is it ethically right? Are we only reinforcing a belief that it is our duty to help by buying these cheap souvenirs, if only to indirectly give a little money to the women and children who are selling them? Are we only reinforcing a belief that the only way for this woman and her children to make money is through groveling to rich tourists? Where does empowerment come in? Is it possible for members of a society to remain empowered (and still maintain a level of dignity and self-respect that I was disappointed to see was missing amongst these vendors) while pursuing business endeavors that may relate to tourism?

Here are some phrases from our trip's itinerary (taken off the Mekong Eyes River Cruiser's website) that were off-putting on a number of levels:

• As lunch is served, the boat starts cruising. Sit back and watch the fantastic scenery and the daily life of the Mekong people. 

• Watch the locals go about their daily work drying exotic fruits and building ships on the wooden yards while enjoying an early breakfast. 

• Marvel at the sheer abundance of exotic fruits, vegetables and skillfully handcrafted regional products. We will pull up to the boats for taking and bargaining with the merchants. We will also visit some of the local candy and cake making factories or boat through the green water landscape to see local houses, verdant orchards and ship-building yards. 

• Later in the morning you can boat through the green water landscape on a little rowing sampan to see local houses........... alternatively, you can discover the nearby town by foot or explore the small side canals......... 

• In the afternoon there will be another side trip to one of the exotic villages along the way. 

• Day 3: an exotic world of its own. After breakfast and an early start through the glorious morning atmosphere on the Mekong River, we will visit another floating market. Be sure not to miss the great photo opportunities for authentic snapshots of the Mekong people and their life. 

So can anyone count how many times the term "local" was used? What about the term "exotic?" What about transitive verbs with regards to "seeing," "watching," "observing," "marveling," or "taking pictures?"

What troubles me is that this is a Vietnamese tour company that seems to be exploiting its own people and using them as a spectacle, all in order to pander to westerners who want to experience something "exotic" and "cultured". After our first village excursion, where we were paraded through a village, walked through people's houses, and gawked at people eating dinner and bathing, one of the people on our boat remarked that "it is so interesting to see how they live!"

First of all, who is the "they" that we're referring to here? Could there possibly be a more polarizing word than "they" in terms of pitting an "us" versus a "them?" Second of all, why is it interesting? Because it's different? Because it's primitive? Third of all, why do we care? Why is it so exciting to see people living such "exotic" lifestyles? What desire is it fulfilling for us? Do we have some sense of unconscious guilt that we live with the luxuries of washing machines, dishwashers, showers with hot water, cars, and supermarkets that it is simply "nice" to be reminded that there are "simpler" folk who wash their clothes and dishes by hand, bathe in a river, and ride their bikes or fishing boats to the market?

Like I said initially, I feel cursed by this analytic framework with which I am (intentionally or not) viewing my experiences in foreign countries. This framework makes me feel guilty and hypocritical because surely I am committing so many of these egregious wrongs that I am accusing other tourists of doing. Then I start to question my time here and wonder if I am really doing anyone any good.

Is it really English teachers that Vietnam needs, or what about more math and science teachers? Isn't my presence here only reinforcing the global belief that smaller countries are incompetent without the help of bigger, more powerful, more hegemonic countries? What if, instead of English teachers, we sent math and science teachers? Would this boost the economy from within, allowing the Vietnamese people to re-build their own infrastructure, instead of build an economy based on outside investments?

I don't have any answers to any of these questions. I'm not an economist, nor a policy-maker, nor a sociologist, nor a philosopher, nor an ethicist. I'm sure there are a million holes in my so-called arguments, and I don't claim to really know anything at all, in fact. I'm simply stating my general discomfort on my 3-day trip through the Mekong Delta because I had to get some of these feelings off my chest.

Thank you, Toni Morrison (and all the others), for teaching me to question just about any inter-personal or inter-societal relationship. To any of my readers who are more educated or better read than me, do any of you know any philosophy/ethics books that deal with travel and economic development? I'd love to hear what more eloquent, better-trained scholars have to say about any of this!