A realization

This weekend has been purely blissful.

Here are things that have occurred that have made me so happy to be here:

• Walking around Hoan Kiem Lake with MJ
• Eating as much sushi, movie theater popcorn, and lasagna as I would like
• Seeing "My Week with Marilyn" in English at a movie theater that may as well have been a transplant from the States
• Choosing to eat Vietnamese food because I want to, not because it's my only option.
• Staying at the Rising Dragon and getting to talk to Men, my favorite front desk employee.
• Going clothing shopping and totally indulging in fun, whimsical purchases because a) I make enough money on my Fulbright stipend to afford it and b) the clothes here are so cheap. 
• Going to pirated DVD shops and getting good-quality entire series of Friends and Disney movies, all for under $15
• Taking naps in our hotel room while Animal Planet plays shows about rhinoceros and tigers.
• Partying at the American Center and playing (and almost winning) a game of flip-cup with important people
• Making s'mores at said party's fire-pit with American-brand Honey-Maid graham crackers!!!!!!!!!!!!

While I understand that my life in Hanoi is very much a vacation lifestyle (shopping, eating, napping, and partying make up most of my days here), I came to the realization that I am just so much happier while in Hanoi.

I realized this after gushing to MJ about how the past two days have been perfect, and then had the thought of "when was the last time I have been this ecstatically happy and grateful while living in Ha Tinh?" 

I wish so much that I was able to muster up that same level of enthusiasm for Ha Tinh Province and my living situation. I understand that the circumstances are completely different, so comparing Ha Tinh and Hanoi is like comparing apples and oranges. I know that what makes Hanoi so fabulous is my ability to socialize and have some comforts from the West (and to basically live the life of an ex-pat), whereas living in Ha Tinh is more of an "authentic" cultural immersion experience. 

And I totally recognize the importance of a more roughing-it experience, both for myself, and for the community where I live. Hanoi doesn't need anymore ex-pats or English teachers for building cultural ties between our two countries. The small, rural provinces are those who have never seen foreigners and have no real international standard of English language education, so I completely understand why Fulbright sends us away from the big cities into places that benefit from our presence a bit more.

Nonetheless, I always feel so wistful when I am here, sitting at Joma Cafe, drinking a $3 latte, and writing on my laptop. For so many ex-pats in Vietnam, this is their life. For me, it is just a vacation from my real-life, which is much less action-packed and a bit more dreary.

Somehow, if possible, I would love to extend my enthusiasm for Hanoi towards my feelings for Ha Tinh in a way to lift myself up for these next 5 months. I want to find a way to love Ha Tinh as much as I love Hanoi so that I don't feel the need to escape every weekend.

I have a feeling this may remain a constant argument between the indulgent part of myself ("go to Hanoi! hang out with your American friends! escape your workplace!") and the dedicated, earnest part of myself ("stay in Ha Tinh! stick it out! make your Fulbright experience worth it!") so be warned that you will be reading a lot more of these posts over the next 5 months.

Oh, and one other thing that I found out: Bangkok has McDonald's, Outback Steakhouse, and Dunkin Donuts. While I want to spend all my time eating as much authentic Thai food as possible, how enticing does it sound to go for the perfect French fries, steak, and caramel lattes?

Oh, the dilemmas that I face..........