Playing the "Glad Game"

I started reading Pollyanna last night as one of my free Kindle classic e-books, and it could not have come at a better time!

For those of you unfamiliar with the story of Pollyanna, all that you need to know is that her father taught her to play a game called the "Glad Game," where the goal is to find something to be glad about, even in the worst of situations. In fact, Pollyanna claims that those are the best times to play the game, because then you have to work really hard to find something over which to be glad.

Now is a perfect time to play the "Glad Game" re: my situation in Vietnam, because it truly seems that things could not get any bureaucratically worse.

Things I am glad about as a result of the annoying developments in my visa-renewal process that occurred today:


- In an attempt to ration my western provisions (ie: macaroni and cheese) that are in limited supply, I only make macaroni and cheese on days when I really need it. In other news, days like today. I had macaroni and cheese for dinner, mixed in some Laughing Cow cheese (Ryan Brown, why did we not think of adding that ingredient while we were in Senegal??), some tomatoes, morning glory, and a bit of balsamic vinegar, and the result was spectacular. If I wasn't having a bad day and totally frustrated, I wouldn't have been able to eat macaroni and cheese for dinner!

- It looks like I will have to (possibly) go back to Hanoi for another round of notary appointments. Since I am expending all "fees incurred while obtaining the visa while in country," (Fulbright policy) it means that I get an expenses-paid trip to Hanoi. And due to scheduling issues, the only time to go to Hanoi would just happen to be over New Year's weekend. I guess if I have to be in Hanoi, New Year's is a good time to be there. [As long as the notary at the US Embassy is open on January 2]

- My parents love me so much and are willing to just about anything, like travel to New York to go to the Vietnamese Consulate to get forms signed, just to make sure I am taken care of here.

Yes, you know you are grasping at straws trying to feel better when macaroni and cheese, a business trip coinciding with New Year's festivities, and parental devotion are the only positives that you can list.

I am just feeling so frustrated at the finicky, bureaucratic system that is in place just to renew my visa. And what's more, I am feeling especially frustrated that I'm in a place (Middle-of-Nowhere, Vietnam) where there are only two people in the entire province who are required to look after me and advocate for my well-being, and that one of those people is too busy to advocate for me, and the other person is too incompetent to advocate for me.

I feel totally helpless and very alone here in Ha Tinh, and I will sadly admit that I have even put in a request to Fulbright to switch host universities to a university that is more willing to look after my well-being and go to bat for me.

Furthermore, I feel so frustrated with the type of politics that are here (a description that rhymes with "shmolice plate," just to give a hint) where a photocopy of my university diploma (brought with me to Vietnam in a fit of proactive thinking in case of situations like this) is not adequate, but rather two original copies of my diploma (?) are required. Since I am unwilling to have my parents Fedex the one copy of my leather-bound, framed diploma to Vietnam, a notary employed by the country of Vietnam needs to witness it being photocopied and vouch for the photocopies' authenticity. (Thanks, Mom and Dad, for going to the Vietnamese Consulate to deal with this.) So, no, sorry, but the photocopy that I proactively brought with me is not good enough.

Furthermore, the Criminal Record form that my parents diligently worked to request as quickly as possible from the Massachusetts State Police Department? Turns out a scanned copy isn't enough for the authorities here. No, instead, they need not one, but two original copies of it. Fedexed to Hanoi. And notarized at the American Embassy to prove that I am indeed me, and that I am indeed not the criminal that the CORI forms claim that I am not.

Furthermore, all of this needs to be explained through poorly-translated Vietnamese-to-English, frantic phone calls to the Fulbright office in Hanoi, and emotional e-mails to my parents, ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

Every time I think about my visa, I just feel so exhausted, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure that my love for this country is worth all the work that I am putting into staying here to teach English for another 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching, I love Ha Tinh, I love my students, I love Fulbright, I love my friends and fellow teachers, and I love Vietnam- but do I love all of those concepts enough to make me go through the trouble of renewing the visa (with only the help of my parents, since nobody at Ha Tinh University or Fulbright has been of much help in the overall scheme of this process) instead of just coming home prematurely, starting an awesome job at a prestigious psychiatric hospital (that actually seems eager for me to work for them, as opposed to the message that officials in this country seem to be sending to me that they don't care if I get deported or not when my visa expires), and putting all of this bureaucratic hoopla behind me?

I feel frustrated that I can't be here simply teaching. I was granted the Fulbright Fellowship to teach English and to work to build international communication channels. And I am so thrilled to do that.

And I fully understand that every job comes with its fair share of seemingly unrelated bureaucratic busy-work. When I'm a licensed psychologist, I will need to write up lengthy weekly reports on all of my clients, argue with insurance companies over payments and health care plans, and deal with hospitals, employers, and other third parties who want to extract confidential information from me. I've heard from many psychologists that the paperwork is by far their least favorite part of the job, so I understand that no job comes in a neat little package where you get to do only the "fun" stuff that you signed up for.

So I understand that, yes, there are some un-fun tasks of being an English teacher abroad that I also need to be willing to undertake, like re-applying for a visa and getting official copies of my diploma Fedexed to me. But how many annoying tasks in comparison to how much I am teaching and throwing fun Halloween parties? Is it a 50-50 ratio of "50 percent of your job obligations are going to suck and make you hate what you're doing, and 50 percent are going to be the ones that you signed up for and are excited to do?" And what if the 50 percent of those unpleasant tasks burn me out and frustrate me to the point where the 50 percent of the pleasant tasks are compromised? What if, right now, I am so paralyzed by frustration and helplessness that I can't write my lesson plan for class tomorrow? And what if I show up to class tomorrow, so angry at Ha Tinh University and Fulbright because of this whole process, that I am cranky, impatient, and not enthusiastic or supportive of my beginning-level students because I am pre-occupied with other, more pressing matters than whether or not they learn the concept of "Describing things and places" which is on the syllabus for tomorrow?

And is it fair that I am put in a position where I am forced to say that my visa is a more pressing matter than my students' learning? Aren't I here to teach? Why is it that all of a sudden, my visa takes priority, and my students take a backseat with regards to my attention and focus? This equation does not make sense.

So, to sum up, it has not been the best of days, but I am glad that my mini-vacation to Da Lat and Saigon begins on Friday! After a day like today, I am in dire need of a long, strenuous hike up a mountain to a crazy waterfall (happening on Saturday morning) and some good love and support from the Fulbright staff and teachers.

Phew, what a day. (But thanks, Mom, Dad, and Cuzzy Leah for being such good sounding boards for my frustration tonight! Oh how I love my family in times like this!)